1 August, 2006.

“He did not do the right thing.”

 

“She betrayed my trust.”

 

… and we feel hurt.

 

The question is, what are we actually doing: feeling hurt, or hurting ourselves? Behind the veil of our suffering, lies our idea of ‘good’ and ‘bad’, ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, ‘moral’ and ‘immoral’.

 

Does a new-born feel hurt because so-and-so betrayed his trust, told him a lie, or not do the right thing? A new-born does not have the conditioned notions of black and white.  The world is one of acceptance and truth, of what is.

 

What is?

 

**

 

The Gita has some beautiful, logical statements for the human mind to understand life. One of them is the fact that we arrive in this world empty-handed, and that is exactly how we will go. In light of this truth, possessions and possessiveness is an illusion.

 

Most of what we call evil is ignorance. Hurting someone’s ego, feeling shattered at the mirage of failure, is like resigning to the illusion. Experience tells us that happiness is independent of possessions and situations without. It is a complete function of what lies within. History is witness to the fact that the cycle of craving and achieving does not lead to bliss either. Ask Bill Gates and Narayan Murthy as to why fulfillment comes outside the closed curve?

 

What is?

 

**

 

Truth is One. It is omnipresent.

 

When one sees that the cause of misery is but an illusion, wouldn’t life become a journey through unending valleys of Joy?

 

**

This is perhaps the last time I am going to be in Allahabad. Yesterday, I went to Man-ka-meshwar temple, near the 'Sangam' (the meeting place of Ganga, Yamuna and the mythical Saraswati). I had visited this temple before leaving for Delhi for my visa interview, and it was a nice experience. The temple is located on the banks of the Ganges, behind the Military base at the Fort.

While returning, I took a rickshaw, as I had done last time. Unlike the young lad who carried the rickshaw last time, it was an old man doing the job this time. He asked five rupees for travelling from the fort to Chungi.

During the ride, I asked him about his work. He told me that he hires the cycle rickshaw for 20 rupees per day. With a lot of stamina and hard work, he can earn about 150 rupees during the day. "Every person has his limits. The farmer gets tired after some time, the cleaner gets tired after some time, the student gets tired after some time. And so does a rickshaw-puller. When it goes beyond the limit, I simply refuse to pull, and go to sleep."

I could perhaps only distantly relate to his problem. I asked, "How difficult is it to pull the rickshaw when a person like me is sitting behind?"

"Bhaiya, it is not too difficult; but some practice would definitely be needed", he said, wiping off some sweat from his forehead.

"Can I try pulling the rickshaw here, if you don't mind?"

He agreed.

Pulling the rickshaw was a strange experience. The moment I pulled the pedal, the handle swirled by 180 degrees and we were headed in the opposite direction. I panicked a bit and looked behind. The rickshaw puller had a reassuring smile on his face. "Handle modiye bhaiya, dariye mat!" (Turn the handle brother, don't fear)

The handle was so stiff, I felt the rickshaw would topple if I turned. So I pressed the brake. But lo! I pressed the wrong one, which was meant for the trrrrrngggg sound. Then I pressed the other one, and the rickshaw stopped. Slowly, I turned the handle, and tried again. This time it was better, and within a couple of minutes, I was doing good as a rickshaw-puller.

When we exchanged seats again after some distance, the old man told me that he had 7 children. 2 of his sons were married, but he was the only person working in the family. I felt a bit angry on him and his sons... With a meagre earning, why did he start such a big family? And his sons, even after marraige, were sitting at home while there old father pulled a rickshaw! What a shame!

"I know literate and rich people have a different lifestyle. They study, get a job, and then think of settling down. But it works differently in 'dehat', my society. If I don't marry my son, my reputation will go down. People say all kinds of things about children who are of marraigeable age.

I have tried so many times to ask them to work. But my kids are out of control. They simply don't listen."

I tried my bit to explain to him, that people should have a small family, that education is important, that he should make his sons responsible for themselves instead of taking up their responsibilities. He nodded silently. I knew...

He also told me that it was his 3rd marraige, and his wife was physically very weak. So whenever she got pregnant, he didn't know whether to take risk of abortion or to go ahead. Of course, it was pointless to talk to him about pills etc., since he hardly had the money to buy or the mood to listen.

We stopped at the Chungi. I bought him a cup of tea and samosas, like I had done with my previous rickshaw-puller I came here. He ate, and went away with a smile. I returned to HRI in the bus.

I should go to temples often. It is a spiritual experience.

I like dawn and dusk. They are my favorite times of the day, when light and shade play with each other.... It is a half-hour duel, which light wins in the morning, and darkness wins in the evening. I like it because the transition is so beautifully palpable, and the movement of cosmos is sensually evident...

When I am sitting by the lake at dusk, or under a tree, I can feel my breathing change with dimming light... The yellows and oranges blend like lovers in the sky. Birds come back to the tree-tops, and a blanket of silence seems to set in from the firmament. It is a delightful experience to be a witness to this process.

Often, due to the vague daily habits, I am awake at dawn - either after a night-out, or sometimes on my own. Today I went up to the terrace of our hostel, which is on the fourth floor. Slowly, crimson streaks were spreading across the sky. The breeze was redolent of morning flowers, and birds were swaying and floating effortlessly. Closing eyes for a few minutes took me in to another dimension, where I merged with the Whole... where I was the flower, the bird, the music, the sky... It was bliss.

Yes, dawn and dusk are the favourite times of my day.